Friday, October 19, 2012

Public Confessions - Lessons of an Empty Rambler

As you have seen in the recent video, I showcased the poem that you have been hearing in the intro.  Here are the words.

Public Confessions - Lessons of an empty Rambler

I was on a quest for titles,  drug my soul through shallow substance just to be dope
I wanted to be the poet who wrote the ish you wish you wrote
Woke up every morning at dawn and through my yawning asked have I arrived yet
While the powers that be laughed and said....NOPE

Couldn't undersand why when I had a pen in my hand it did WANDEROUS THINGS
Like a supernatural being I magically willed words to me
Wordplay was my play ground swing swag easy
I wrote monkey bars...bananas...Crazy
Yet even though this is the way the higher power made me
no one saw me and decided to make me famous
no one saw me and decided to make me wealthy

I waited for my ship to come in lookng past the arc
arrow in my bullseye stubborn and missing my mark
I was blinded by the world and deaf to the word
A judas chasing silver, a fool wanting gold
I almost sold my soul for a little bling bling, the lex coups the beamer and a benz
selling out and surrounded by friends, that were clearly enemies
but the biggest enemy was the me in me, see I was standing in my own way

My ammunition is intuition the higher power blessed me to rise above and feel the
things that most people miss
My lungs breath in the atmosphere and the storms of those around me
touched by a sinners soul and a heart of Gold, I can regurgitate and spit HEALING
Yet, I thought worldly things would heal me

So while I got on the mic thinking my outfit and words were right to get you open
I was coming to you broken
searching for your validation snapping clapping ready to call me the dopeness
when you came here hoping someone understood your position.

I realized I was the rogue one, abandoning her mission
skipping down a yellow brick road to hell paved with good intentions
I didn't seek out OZ...I wanted to be HIM.
A hero to marvel at Your OOOH and AHHS, I needed to hear em
so driven on gassing myself I couldn't hear HIM

All this time I was spitting when I should have been...delivering.
I'm an air and open and so my transparency in my testimony is potent
I walked through fire shrouded in my gift of grace with not a boil or blemish on my face
Because I was covered
I understand now that how we understand and connect with each other is without barriers and walls
I tried to rise and continued to fall because I didn't answer my call
My poetic powers lacked focus and until I tapped into the will of the higher power
it also lacked purpose

I endured abuse - domestic
I have been arrested
had my world taken
and restored again
so one night I tossed my pen
and wrote with the blood of my hands
no longer clenched in defiance
Now pass me the mic...because I am wounded and open
No longer an addict to the dopeness
don't care if you wished you wrote this
I understand that I was given talents to be a servant
It was never about me...
I was sent here for you
It took me to be crucified a thousand times to now be still
and contemplate what would Jesus do
I am one who has been burnt by the flames of my flagrance my arrogance
had the aroma of STANK
and I will admit that to you
No longer the self absorbed spitter
but a deliverer of my testimony to  you
Thank God for his plan and forgiveness
enlightened ...I can now shine - on You.

No longer the short sided snake eyed gambler
I've learned my lesson
a former empty rambler
I no longer hope for the dopeness
because my word is his will...filled with substance
Public confessions
Lessons of an empty rambler
Died to be live
but now resurrected
walking in his mercy, understanding my duty
to ensure that you and I remain connected
I confess
so fresh and so clean hot mess
wanting to be the best and didn't give my best
until I was refreshed by the water
and I aint felt this way in years
So if anything I say moves me to tears in the middle
throughout and towards the end
understand it's me understanding the gift within
It's not about's about you
I am supposed to come to you uncovered and let my testimony shine through
Which is why I continued to be tested and failed until
I allowed HIM to work and pass through me
No longer a black jack of all trades gambler
no longer an empty rambler
I confess
I was blessed
to offer kind words and blessings to you
it was never about me
it was always about you
So I plant and sow seeds of me
cry over them freely
shine on them unselfishly
so you and me - can harvest

I confess
until I understood how I was blessed
I was a mess
an empty rambling addict for the dopeness
Wishing I couldve wrote this a long time ago
Ignorant to my calling but now I know
Before you hair grown back in strengh and wisdom
after being my on cancer
The call I have answered


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