Sunday, June 7, 2015

Open Hair Journal: ONE HELL OF A JOURNEY

This “open journal” started out as a letter to a single person.  As I began to touch on different subjects, I thought it effected so many people that it should be an open letter.  I had so much to say that I knew it could not stop at a letter and since my life is so centered on hair, it made sense to just go ahead and open up my personal thoughts and really show a different side of what a “#HairJourney truly is and what a #HairJournal by #PhillyzJamPoet looks like.

If I were to pen this, it would be blue pen cursive with a bunch of my wayward doodles hovering around the pages.  My mind can go off on tangents and I can be a little aimless, so be patient with me.  My ramblings come from the deepest parts of my heart and soul, the madness eventually makes sense.
I think I owe so many apologies, I lost count.   There are so many apologies I handed out that I had no business giving.  I was offering benevolence to people who didn’t deserve it and bitterness to people who loved me because they allowed me to do what I did.  My hair went through it’s worse shedding season of it’s life because it reflected exactly who I was…BROKEN.   I extend to a point where I overextend and the only person to blame is me.  I suffer in silence and I am never vocal until the storm has passed.  This has always been my hard wiring and I am unsure if it will change anytime soon despite my spotty efforts.  I have done a lot of good on my #YouTube journey and I have also run into a lot of destruction.  For those of you who are reading this, what do you expect?  Really?  If people think I am unaware of the whispers and wayward comments…you are wrong.  I have leisurely read the Lipstickalley threads as well as the cowards who will go to other YouTube videos to spit venom on me.  Whatever the case may be, the main consensus is  I am about as fake as a $4 bill. 

  I was a YouTuber working a job and hyper aware of how my actions can effect my family as well as my professional framework so because I didn’t hit the little red button and pop off when my attitude was off, or I wasn’t swearing away into nowhere, I guess I wasn’t real enough.  There are videos I look  back and I am #CRUNKFORJESUS for the wig that I now find a hideous abomination of the Lord’s favor…lol, yeah horrible.  I can name you videos where I look like everything from a #DisneyPrincess to #LilSweet.  At the time, I loved the wigs just like I thought my heavily thick “arse” eyebrows was the biz too! 

  You got tuh live and leaaaarn!

I doubt there is anyone out there that can OUT joke me on my own missteps or surprise me and say something that I hadn’t heard or thought already.  The point of opening up this blog is to let you know, I was a runner, I was full of shit, I decimated relationships, I plotted revenge, I held bitterness in my heart, I did things to people that broke street code and GIRL code…I was ALL OVER THE BOARD and my hair was there for the journey.  It didn’t matter what my MOUTH said, my hair told the real story of what was going on in my life.  So if you want to basically identify with a story that is almost similar to Samson in the female form…stay tuned.  This is a collection of thoughts that spans over a journey of about 2 years.  The hell and the hair that came with it.

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